hi there, I'm submitting this to alot of communities in the hope that I'll get like...any response. please bear with me as I'm confused, clueless, and uncomfortable about this whole subject. that said, I don't really know where to start, so I'll give a brief timeline:
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over the last couple of years, however, I've noticed a few things. I have a tendency to identify less as a male than as someone who likes males. I have a tendency to identify myself as a member of a third gender, not a male. ever since I jokingly went in drag last halloween (the first excuse I had to do it) I can't help but notice that everyone was right when they said I had a woman's hips. I would prefer, if it wouldn't involved being harassed to no end or feeling like everyone else thought there was something wrong with me, to wear women's clothes. I'm not into 'glam', I do not want to look like a drag queen, and have a stage everywhere I go. I would like to pass as a female and not get a second glance. I love flowing skirts, earthy colors, and things of that nature...not leather hot pants and skimpy tank tops. unfortunately, 'earthy' and 'drag' are practically oxymorons, and I'm so new and uncomfortable with all of this the last thing in the world I want to do is draw attention to the part of myself I'm most confused about. on top of all this, while it was just a costume party, the first and last time I did drag everyone said I didn't pass at all. when I'm not in drag, though, a friend says I look like a female hippy from behind, and several people have told me I'd be great for it...so I've gotten mixed signals, and I think they ammount to me not knowing how to do it right, as much as anything. I'm at best androgynous, but more often I have people tell me they had no idea I was gay.
aside from all this...I consider this a spiritual thing. well, I consider everything a spiritual thing and this is no exception. reading about 'two-spirits', hijras, and 'born-eunuchs' makes me glad, and also frustrates me to no end, because I can read about people who do EXACTLY what I want to do, but every culture that has a niche for us seems to be dead or dying. does anybody have any suggestions...advice, tips for passing for female...hell I'll take anything. remember, I look like a man, albiet one with small wrists, slightly larger than average hips, and longer than shoulder length hair, but as it is I'm a long way from passing for female...or dealing with the fact that I want to be able to.